What I said: “Hey, guys! Let’s head upstairs and get ready for bed! The sooner we get ready the sooner we can read stories!”

What they heard: “Hey guys! Let’s play a game of who can be the biggest a-hole for the next 30 minutes. You can forget anything you’ve ever learned about the process of getting ready for bed, ignore everything anyone says to you, and then sob enthusiastically for another 15 minutes when your stories are taken away for no good reason.

Annnnnnd break.

Wine. Wine now.