To elaborate on the List of Things That Can Go Suck It.

1. The cashier at Wegman’s. Please don’t give me false hope by saying “Are you sure they got the date right?” when I tell you that I have three weeks left. It makes me discouraged. Don’t you know I already nearly cried like 4 times in past hour? Due in part to…

2. The 90 frajillion old people that gave me dirty looks in the grocery store. Yes, I know my toddler is screaming. Yes, I am trying to quiet her down. Yes, that means that I am in the process of opening a box of animal crackers that I have not yet actually purchased. I am going as fast as I can, she has already eaten through a slice of ham, a pita pocket, a bottle of water, and 2 bites of summer squash (which was actually an accident. I didn’t realize she was eating that. I put it in the cart and turned to look at something else and when I looked back she was saying “Nana! Nana!” and happily chomping away. In her defense, it does look very much like a banana. Although she shouldn’t be eating a banana with the peel still on, but hey. Which brings me to item 3 on my List of Things That Can Go Suck It).

3. The carts at Wegmans. Okay, I think it’s totally cool that you put space for two children to be buckled into the cart. I also like the fact that you have a parking garage so that I don’t have to go out into the rain. And if I was shopping alone I’m sure I would like this feature of a multi-level cart. However, I DO NOT like that idea when shopping with a toddler. It really limits the amount of groceries I can put in that cart, because that top level (which, when shopping alone, I’m sure is perfect for those eggs or bread that you inevitably pick up first and then squash underneath all your canned goods) is TOTALLY reachable by the toddler buckled into the cart, rendering that entire level unusable. Well, I mean, you can use it. But said toddler may end up eating some summer squash.

That’s it for now. And lest I include only my bitter diatribes about how ridiculously irritable I am today, I will also include the fact that I had my 37-week checkup with the doctor today. I’ve gained another pound since last week (putting the total gain at 28. Dammit. This child better come in the next 2 weeks, I’d really like to keep the gain at under 30.), but my blood pressure is great, baby is measuring exactly the right size, has a nice strong heartbeat, and is head-down. It’s all a matter of waiting.

Things That Most Certainly Do Not Suck and Will Get Me Through Today

1. My half-caf, double tall, 2 pump, nonfat, no whip, Cinnamon Dolce Latte. Yes, I am one of those people. Deal with it.

2. My lovely husband who takes the baby to work with him while I go to my doctor appointments. I mean, come on. How awesome is that?

3. New friends who call me out of the blue because they’re “on the way to the grocery store and thought of you and how we both hate grocery shopping with a passion!” and then proceed to talk about the evils of the grocery store and the likelihood that we will inadvertently teach our children all the best cuss words. (Note to self: probably should stop saying things like “Honey, you really need to calm down and be a good girl or Mama is seriously going to lose her shit.” in the middle of the grocery store, within hearing distance of glary-type old person. Might also help cut down on the glares from old people.)

4. The knowledge that by the end of this afternoon my kitchen is going to be amazingly clean and organized. I have SUCH a big plan, you don’t even know. It involves making lists and then pulling things out of cabinets, and I just might have plans to take an actual written inventory of what foodstuffs I have and then create schematics for how it should all fit into the cabinets/fridge/freezer. Yes. I am that obsessive. I did it when I worked at Starbucks and it did wonders for ease of ordering and use of products on hand. I see no reason why my kitchen should not operate in the same way.

Peace out, y’all.

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